Saying Goodbye to Grandma Cuca

At the end of May, we received the heart-breaking news that Grandma Cuca had pancreatic cancer. The doctors estimated that she had three to six months to live. Grandma has had dementia for the past few years and it has gotten worse recently. In many ways, I thought I had already mourned the loss of the Grandma that I knew and loved.

We had a Gerber Family Reunion planned for the end of June in Texas, so we all figured that we'd get to see Grandma and say our good-byes then. However, Grandma's health declined quickly. We were told on June 5th that if we wanted to be able to actually talk to Grandma, we should try to get to TX ASAP. So as soon as I got home from my getaway with Andrew, I jumped on a plane to TX.

I'm so happy I got to see Grandma one last time. But it was also HARD. She was just a shell of her old self. She was in a lot of pain from the cancer, so they had her on some pretty strong meds. All of us kids made it out to see her, but Celeste and Destiny were gone by the time I got there. 

Mark bringing her some flowers.

Me, Mark, and Paul with Grandma when she was

a little more coherent. We got a few smiles out of 

her and times when we felt like she was looking in 

our faces. It was really nice to have time with my brothers.

Marshall joined us. It was so good to see him.

He is one of Grandma's "adopted" grandsons 

that she took care of while he was a toddler/preschooler.

Mark thought she might enjoy listening to us play Rummy.

We also got to spend time with my cousin, Matt.

Mom and Dad took us out for ice cream.

Also had time at night for board games.

I flew home on Thurs, June 15.

On Friday, June 16th, I got the dreaded call from 

my Dad that Grandma had passed away.

I wasn't prepared for how sad I'd be. We knew she was sick. We knew this was coming. I got to say my last goodbyes. I knew that she was in a better place and free of her failing body. I was so happy for her that she could be reunited with Grandpa, her parents, and many of her siblings. 

But I was still sad.

Heartbroken.

I will miss my Grandma SO MUCH. She was one of the biggest influences in my life. She offered unconditional, abundant love. When I was in kindergarten, we were living in Montana and my mom was finishing up her teaching degree. Grandma Cuca moved in with us to help take care of me, Paul, and Mark while my mom was in school. I loved coming home from morning kindergarten and watching The Price is Right and Days of Our Lives with Grandma. Off and on throughout the rest of my childhood, she would live with us off and on. She was a fixture in our home. Many of our vacations during my childhood were to San Saba to visit Grandma. She would always have pies waiting for us. And we could count on an abundance of chicken and rice, beans, and the best homemade tortillas. When Celeste graduated from high school, she, Grandma Cuca, and I went on a trip to Vegas together. So fun to travel with just the three of us. As an adult, Grandma came to stay with me when each of my kids were born. She is SO good with babies and just LOVES them! She would cook for me and clean for me and I was completely spoiled. She saved my sanity during those first few weeks that can be SO hard with a newborn. When my kids and I started doing road trips, Grandma Cuca would join in. When her health was still good enough, she traveled the country with us. Amazing! How many people get to drive across the country with their GREAT GRANDMA??? What a blessing. Grandma didn't get to go to school, so she didn't know how to read. Her daughters tried to help her learn as an adult, but it never stuck. I can't imagine going through life without knowing how to read, but Grandma didn't let it hold her back. She loved to play Rummy, Chickenfoot, and Chinese Checkers. And she loved ice cream and candy. Oh, how I'll miss her. But I can just imagine her and Grandpa dancing the night away up in heaven together. What a joyous reunion after almost 44 years apart.

When I got the news of Grandma's passing, I spent two days in my room just crying and looking through old photos and reminiscing. I'm not much of a crier, but that weekend I sure was. Here are some of my favorites that I found.

On one of our road trips, Grandma brought along 

these super old tokens for free ice cream cones from DQ.

They were 10+  years old.

I didn't think there was any way they were going to work.

But we stopped at some random DQ in Alabama

and scored five free cones! Ha!

That's me as a baby with Grandma, Grandpa, and Celeste.

Grandpa died when I was two years old, so this

is one of the only pics I have with him.

We all look so happy!

Christmas with Grandma Cuca.

I'm not sure if this was in NM or MT.

Camping in Montana with Grandma.

Grandma is the best!

Look at all that love!

It's palpable.

On another road trip, we stopped at a museum in CO.

Love that face!

One of my fave places we've stopped on our 

road trips: Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs.

Another favorite spot: Rainbow Park in Silverthorne, CO.

At Grandma's house.

We LOVED it when she found a good 

yellow watermelon for us. Yum!

In St. Louis

On Grandma's porch.

So many good memories of this house.

At Jockey's Ridge at the Outer Banks, NC

With her five grandkids at a family reunion in AZ.

Grandma's tortillas!

Holding my mom as a baby.

So pretty!

At White Sands National Park in NM

At the Wedding Oak near San Saba

In beautiful southern Utah

At my BYU graduation

At our house in NC ready to leave on a road trip!

Basically as soon as I got home from my trip to TX, the girls and I turned around and drove back. Andrew and Brandon flew in to meet us. The funeral was in San Saba. The closest airport was in Killeen, so that's where the boys flew into. After we picked them up, we drove straight to San Saba and headed to the funeral home. 

The program

Bye, Grandma! Love you so much!

The pallbearers

Robby, B, Drew, my Dad

Little Paul, Colt, Marcos, Gabriel, Paul, and Mark

The service was a funeral mass. I've been to a couple before and they were very impersonal. Luckily, the priest asked if any family members would like to take a few minutes to speak. I was afraid I would be a wreck, so I didn't volunteer. But Paul, Marshall, and my mom's cousin all shared some really kind words that gave me the closure that I needed. So grateful.

She was buried in San Saba, next to Grandpa.

It was SUPER HOT at the cemetery,

so we didn't stay long.

The church hosted a nice meal for us afterward.

Bill, Irene, and my parents

Our little family

My parents, siblings, in-laws, nieces and nephews.

We were missing Celeste, Carson (serving a mission),

and Sydney (at FSY).

Jaedah, Care Bear, Whit, and Jenna

These are cousins that were perfect

playmates when we would visit San Saba

 in the summers.

Chendo, Juana, and Letti

Juana is Grandpa Martinez' younger sister

and Chendo and Letti are two of her kids.

Dora, Louis, and Mary

(Three of Grandma's siblings)

Ron and Ruthie with their two girls and

two grandsons. These are friends who became like family.

Elva is seated on the left. She is Grandma's niece.

That's her son and daughter with her.

Robby, Olivia, Destiny

Trinity, Paul (Bubba), Quinn

Mata and her son, David.

Mata is Cuca's sister-in-law.

She was married to one of Grandma's brothers.

I somehow didn't get a picture of my Aunt Susana Lambert.

She is Grandma Cuca's niece, but Grandma raised her 

almost like a third daughter.

This is her husband, Rick, on the left.

And her two beautiful granddaughters,

who were friends with my girls when they were younger.

On the right is Jason Lambert, Susana and Rick's son.

He's sitting with his son and his son's wife.

Even though funerals are hard and sad, it is really nice to be able to see so many family members. Aunt Susana was joking at the funeral and told Brandon, "You need to get married so we can get together for a happy occasion instead of a funeral." They've said good-bye to too many on that side of the family, Tia Elodia most recently. We did some fun things while we were in San Saba, too. But I'll save those for a different post.